Thursday 18 August 2011

Today... well, Today Sucked.

I knew that today was going to be a tough day before I even opened my eyes. My hands clawed themselves into tiny half fists that were so tense that even lifting them up caused a hugely uncomfortable sensation. As I tried to open them up into functioning appendages the pain traveled up my arms and settled securely in my spine. I would be content if from there it just parked itself into a dull ache. A dull ache is something that anyone can live with; but this pain can only be likened to a sharp shooting nightmare that radiates to every part of me that contains a nerve. My abdomen, upset with all of the attention that I was giving to the rest of my body, decided that it wanted to join the party. I can only describe that pain as doing a 1000 sit-ups and then getting punched in the gut. As I have never done 1000 sit-ups and then gotten punched in the gut this is just pure speculation used to describe something that hurts a heck of a lot. Sitting still was difficult, moving even more so, and trying to get back to sleep was futile. This was all before 6AM, yeah today was going to suck.

I got up to make myself a cup of tea, but only got as far as the living room. Luckily there was a half empty can of Mountain Dew sitting on the coffee table. It had caffeine, was there, and I was in desperate need of a liquid so I could take my pain meds; so I really did not matter that it was flat and had a couple of questionable floating bits. I swallowed the drugs in one gulp and prepared myself for a day of watching teenage moms and rich people fighting other rich people. Oh reality TV, you are a sick person's best friend and a lovely reminder that my life is not so bad.

I would love to say that I feel like I wasted my day; but I know that I did not. Life with MS is not easy; but more than anything I hate saying. "well I have good days and I have bad days." I much prefer the notion that, "I have days that are harder than other days." One of the greatest indicators of living a successful life is whether or not you have pushed yourself to do the best you can with the day you have been given. With MS, sometimes doing the best you can is simply brushing your teeth, taking a shower, and giving yourself a change of scenery by watching TV in the living room instead of in bed. I have to give myself the little victories and not mourn what I could have/should have done with my day. Yeah today was hard, and tomorrow may be harder; but the day after could be a day that does not involve reality TV and the couch. The day without pain killers, but more importantly the day without pain.

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