Dear Body

Dear Body,

As soon as successful Soul transplant is achieved we are so over. I know that this does not come as a shock to you; we have been having problems for years. Yes, I will admit that I fired the first shots by smoking and not eating properly. Still I believe that you have grossly overreacted. You went right for the brain, you know that that was a low blow. I just feel that both of us are growing apart. We just seem to want different things; you trying to kill me and me trying to stop you. This has just turned into a hugely dysfunctional relationship and I think it should end as soon as possible. That being said, it will only be possible if I can find a proper replacement for you. I will even help you find someone that wants the same things you do. Look at the number of people using heroin or go base jumping, there has to be someone out there that wants the same thing as you. Where will I go you ask, I will find someone that is missing a soul all together. That will not be hard to find; just look at the producers of reality television or members of the GOP. I will miss telling people that I am brain damaged, but that benefit does not outweigh the cost.

I hope that we can still be friends once we have separated. I owe you a lot, you got me through many years. It is time, or will be, that we both just move on. This will not happen immediately (technology does not exist yet) I thought that you deserved to be aware of my intentions.

Semi-Fondly,

Me

This was a winning day for MS. For anyone who knows anything about MS, you know that you have good days and bad days. Good days you win, bad days MS wins. You hope that the bad days fall on days that you have nothing important to do, because one of two things will happen if it does.

The first option is to suffer through the event and cross your fingers real tight that you can make it. This is a great... good... often just a stupid idea. This will, nearly always, make everyone around you just as miserable as you are. If you do not believe me, please ask my husband as he can rattle off about a dozen times that I have attempted this. He can be reached at 1-800-Saint1 (please do not call as I just made that number up). Usually when I try this, I end up leaving early, sometimes before I even get there. In favor of keeping my marriage, I have decided not to use this option unless absolutely necessary (i.e. weddings, funerals, moving house, etc.).

The second option often means sitting at home watching films and eating take away while those around are doing something that is actually cool. I am so fortunate to have a partner who would actually prefer to sit at home; so often he will volunteer to stay home to take care of me. I know that there are times when he just tells me that he wants to stay home when he really does not. He pretends and I let him, cause I love it when he is near me. But from personal experience, I can tell you that the feeling of relief of not going often is not equal to the disappointment of missing out. It is only when I remind myself how truly shitty I feel that I know what I did was the smart thing to do. I rarely forget how how shitty I feel, I am consistently constantly reminded of that all the time. Through this option, I have acquired extensive knowledge of almost all TV shows and movies in existence, got the feeling that I have read everything (non-porn related) that is on the web, and given myself so many at home pedicures that they no longer feel like something I do to treat myself. Another marriage saver, I keep my credit card in the other room so I am not easily swayed to do a lot of online shopping. I have to really want something to motivate myself to go get the card. When MS has its hold on me even the smallest amount of movement is too much. I have called Andrew on my cell phone to get me something that was ten feet away. I am lucky that he usually just calls me my nickname and gets it for me. Keeping the iTunes store closed is also a really good thing to avoid, those evil geniuses at Apple know that if you have your credit card information already put in, clicking buy does not register in your mind that you are spending real money.

If I feel too sick to go out I usually do not feel like cleaning (fatigue), reading (headache) or any type of craft (muscle fatigue/tremors/weakness/pain); in short anything productive. Usually anything that a Non-MSer would do to fill their time is not a great option for me. The bright side to this is that you do not have to feel guilty about sitting on your ass all day popping Vicodin. Bonus. I have tried to get my Doctor to prescribe me weekly massages, but no that would be ridiculous as Vicodin is much better for me.

Today MS won. I spent the day either curled up in pain, asleep, or in slightly pain-relieved haze. I did not get to take my Emma for a walk, read that book that I have been looking forward to so much, work, or work out.

I just looked at the clock, it is after midnight. I am still here MS and will forget about yesterday. It will not bring me down. New day, new fight. Suck it MS.